Word Vomit

Today I realized how dumb it is that I always feel like I have a ton to say and never blog about it because I think people only want to look at pictures and see WHAT I am doing instead of listen to me talk.  This is stupid... we have the technology to scroll.  So please do.  If I bore you with what I am about to say then go ahead and scroll/skim, you have my permission. 

I figured out why I blog.  I blog to get away, this is my safe place.  (Although it isn't always safe due to some people's mean comments which have now been deleted.)  :)  I don't have to think about work or school here in my own little space and I love that! 

I have been learning a whole lot in these past 2 weeks.  I learned today that i am not a perfectionist.  I am lazy when it comes to putting in the extra effort to perfect something.  I figure, eh, it looks good enough, and am then upset when my whatever doesn't turn out like the picture.  I want to try and put my 100% into the things i do from here on out.  With that said, I have come up with some late new years resolutions.  Sure i want to lose 15 lbs.(but i sure do know HOW TO EAT A CUPCAKE... he he he) Of course i am trying to read through the Bible in a year, These are ones that i hope will make me a better Brittany:  1)To do more things that I don't want to do and 2) to stop dwelling on what others will think of me. 

1)   To do more things that I don't want to do.  I am the BIGGEST homebody you will probably ever meet.  I love being at home especially if my pajamas are involved.  P.s. I am SO scatterbrained and this new talking thing will prove this to you.  New found love~ Clinique face wash, yes the soap, and lotion.  My mom used to buy it for me randomly and it was like a HUGE present and besides the cost, I am reminded why.  It feels SO good to do what you are doing with a CLEAN face.  Not just "Yeah i scrubbed my face in the shower" but you can feel the tingle and the softness of your skin clean.  Back to my resolution.  Nick loves doing things, going into town (how old am I), playing poker, hanging out with friends, seeing a movie, etc.  I love eating at home, watching movies at home, and inviting friends over to our house.  My compromise with Nick is that i will entertain so he is hanging out but i am at home.  This is a no go this year.  I want to go to the things we are invited to, it will help me grow and probably be a lot of fun right?  I ALWAYS make up excuses to why I can't go last minute and I hate that about myself... let's change that!

2) I want to stop thinking about what others may think of me.  Here is an oxymoron for ya, I do my best to be humble.  Look at this post notice that I am learning to capitalize my I's.  I never did that before... i just let the cat out of the bag to my mom and Nick, I thought i was being humble by not capitalizing.  This is clearly an issue of proper writing and I thought of it as being "all about me" when I  capitalize myself.  STUPID right?  I also recently have been going to the doctor due to dizziness and nausea, they told me I might have a brain tumor.  I didn't tell anyone until last week and I have known over a month... why?  Because I didn't want all the attention.... and I still don't.  I am saying this because I want people close to me, I want to be able to connect and bond with my friends and family and this is a hard task when you are keeping to yourself.  I am quickly learning this.  I am the one creating space between my friends and family and it is now up to ME to fix that. 

I decided that i am NOT going to even add a pretty picture to today's blog, i don't want to apologize for speaking my mind, finally.  This is B.Cooley's blog, I want to be open and honest and creative all at the same time!  :)

I am a woman of lists, I have daily lists, weekly lists and a life list.  I am now compiling a post graduation list and a seperate but connected post graduation reading list.  If you would like to suggest some things I would love it!  Yes Drea i already have Dear John on there :)  I will post my lists later as it will make me blog my thoughts again!

I am leaving my favorite verse, I am sure you have seen me have it on something: My graduation announcement, facebook, myspace, or email but every time i read it, i need it.

"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight O Lord my rock and my redeemer."  Psalm 19:14

I constantly need a reminder that God is in control and no matter what my life is like, whether i am at a high or low, God knows my thoughts and they still need to glorify Him.

http://www.natalienortonphoto.com/2010/01/weapon-fire-water-wind.html

Thanks Mom!